I woke up Monday July 9th 2012 thinking two things. One, how can I back out of this? Two, I really want to do this. Needless to say, I felt a tad bit bipolar.
You see for a while now, I have been wanting, needing, to get healthy. Today was the day I planned on starting a health routine or what I’m calling my health thing because I simply do not know what the hell to call it. But, I’m so frustrated with it. I’ve dieted so many times, faithfully too, in which no results were produced. I worked out before. I tried all kinds of weight loss methods. Hell I even went to the doctor wishing there was a reason I wouldn’t lose weight. “Please lord let the doctor tell me my thyroid is slow or my metabolism doesn’t work!!” I just didn’t want the hassle.
Or maybe disappointment.
When you mention you’re on a diet everybody and their mother comes out of the wood works and simply KNOWS what’s best for you. Nothing annoys me more than a skinny bitch telling me how to diet. I mean I lose more weight in sweat in the heat than this bitch weighs soaking wet. And while I love my friends, and appreciate their advice, this isn’t about them. Furthermore, I’m not even talking about them… I’m referencing the Facebook friends, or sometimes friends or family members. All of a sudden everybody is a nutritionist and all of sudden people want to speak to you again, “encourage” you when in reality they are fake and would love to see you fail. They just want to look you up and down and belittle you so they can feel better about themselves. Fuck that. I can’t be bothered with all that.
So what’s different this time? Why bother to try again? It’s simple: I’m not trying to lose weight! Take the expectation out of the scenario. I’m just doing what I think is good for my health, physically yes, but mostly mentally. I need to feel productive. So, I will eat right, eliminate vices that are killing me, and work out. Make things less complicated. It can be that simple.
And I’m keeping my mouth shut. I told two friends, maybe three, and my hubby (and a few days later my cousin who is my work out guru) . It feels awesome. I’m doing this for myself, not other people. So there is no need to proclaim on facebook “ hey I’m on a diet!”.
So why the blog you may be thinking. I’m not a hypocrite. I want to share my experience. I want to document it. I also want to write again. I’m hoping writing this diet blog, I”ll get back into the groove of writing and continue other writing projects I started and never saw through. Like I said, this health this is more than just physical. I want to follow through on SOMETHING. I need it mentally just as much as I do physically.
Those were the mistakes I’ve made in the past, caring about the wrong things for the wrong reasons. I cared about losing massive amounts of weight. I cared about people looking at me and saying “Oh, you lost lots of weight!”. I cared and cared and cared and for what? I realized it’s not about losing a ton of weight. Big, small it doesn’t matter. I’m sure I will drop a few pounds here and there if I stay on this healthy path. But I’m not expecting too. I’m not expecting anything. It’s not about what the scale says. I just want to stay on this healthy routine, diet and exercise and giving up things in which are bad. Like I said, it really is that simple. Want to be healthy? Do healthy things. Take the numbers out of the equation. It doesn’t matter what the scale reads.
So I’m ready. For me. To give up expectations. To worry less. To care less. To take care of MYSELF. To be healthy…and not expect or anticipate things to come in terms of my actions.
Let’s un-complicate matters. Let it be just that simple. Be healthy. Do healthy things.
Let’s riot the traditional way of dieting.
It’s time for a change. I’m a plus size woman. Age 24. And I’m fighting back against the conventional sense of beauty. I”m big and I’m beautiful. The number on the scale isn’t my issue.The issue is i FEEL I’m fat and have more jiggle then sizzle and I’m sluggish..and THAT needs to change. And I’m going to do it the best way i know. Diet, exercise …. rebel style … an all out riot against the way my life has become.