Schizo Stride

July 10th 2012- Diet Day 2

I didn’t wake up sore. Which I thought was a fucking miracle and a half.  I had my coffee and cereal and got dressed to go to the park.  It is summer time , and a heat wave. So it’s a bit cooler in the mornings.  But, the heat didn’t bother me much. I think it’s actually helping. Sweat out some water weight. If I sweat, I feel productive. Like I’m accomplishing something.  Maybe I’m silly. Who knows.

But, I was still nervous. I didn’t have confidence of my ability. So I did what any normal person would do. I took my dog. Guess I was trying to hide behind my 9 pound Pomeranian.  What a punk I am.

And it wasn’t a good idea anyway. Don’t know how many times I had to stop so she can pee in a bush.  And she tired out on me. I know she is little. But I put her to sit on a bench and she jumped off and she just wanted out of the trail. So when we hit the halfway point she saw the road exiting the trail and this little dog high tailed it. She has a lot of pull for a little dog. Once we were outside on the sidewalk right next to traffic…she laid down. I had to carry this little dog home.  That has to count to weight training right?

By the time I got this little dog home… I was over being angry at an interrupted work out but most importantly being insecure.  Something about being in the trail, seeing every one of all shapes and sizes and ages in which they are engrossed in their own thoughts or work out. Or they smile at you like you have a shared secret. And we do.  It’s a secret garden.

Plus, carrying a medium size dog walking down a populated main road for 15 blocks…it just does something to get over  the “everyone is staring at you” feeling.  Cause they were.  Come on, we all would. If I would of seen a person with humidity frizzed hair wearing an obviously makeshift work out outfit carrying a dog in a heat wave… yup I would of did a double take too.  And I didn’t feel self-conscious anymore.  If people stare, it isn’t the end of the world.

Like in the trail, you will see all kinds of funny stuff. But when it comes down to it. All you think of is
“ good for them, out here working out”. My second day and I was already over staring at people.

I gained a little confidence and with that I found my stride.

And stumbled a little bit (mentally) when I got home and found my dad has stocked up on junk food.  It made it harder to open the fridge and ignore the wonderful chocolate gooeyness. Especially when working with a limited amount of diet food, or even healthy food.  I wasn’t even thinking of junk food or things I’m not going to indulge in anymore, until I opened that fridge and saw it there. It was like a tease.  But, the funny thing, I don’t even eat that much junk food regularly. I don’t even drink soda…unless there is rum in it. But it was like the rebel in me was awakening; wanting to resist being told what it can or cannot eat.

Geeze day 2 and I’ve already heard more voices in my head than a schizo.

But, thinking of the walk I had, with confidence I was able to close the fridge and go about my day quieting the voices of protests going on in my head.

But,I went to sleep that night fighting cravings. Saved by sleep.  If only tomorrow I can be so lucky.

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