Acceptable Level of Fat
My fitness guru is kind of an ass. But, he’s family and deep down, like WAY deep down, he is a nice person. So, I’m used to him and his outrageous judgment and critiques of complete strangers. He is never rude to a person’s face, he barely even speaks to people aloud he is so socially awkward. We ended up talking about what we always talk about, fat people. I was arguing with him because he said people LET themselves get fat. I told him to shut up, you don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life. Plus, we were at the track and if a person made the effort to go to a public park and just MOVE ( I don’t care if you’re walking, jogging, running or hell even crawling your still out MOVING and trying)then obviously they are trying to do something about their health.
I didn’t know I got fat. I mean I knew I was big. But, I didn’t know I was that size I was. And in an odd way, I always thought I was big. Even when I was thin.
I know , I know. Not making a lot of sense here. But, that’s the point. In high school I was pretty thin. I believe I was down to a size 7. But I look at those clothes now (I still have them) and they look like shirts my niece would wear they are so tiny.
The main reason I didn’t know I was fat? I have a hubby. He doesn’t see me in terms of my weight. He doesn’t care. We aren’t judgmental to each other.
But society is pretty damn judgmental. Society is even harder on fat people especially if you’re not in the acceptable level of fat. You know what I’m talking about. The right amount of boob to stomach proportion . The boobs have to be bigger! The right ratio of double chin to double neck. You still have distinction! If you can still take a meticulous poised picture at just the right angle. That’s society’s acceptance level for fat people.
I never did, and still don’t hold myself to society’s standards of beauty. I’m sure I’m judged by the way I look by…everyone in society. But, like I said… I have a hubby. I walk around outside in my own little oblivious bubble. I’m not looking to meet a lover, or even meet new friends. I’ll smile and wave at people I see every day. If someone talks to me to ask a question I’m polite and courteous. But typically I’m in my own little world when I’m outside. I could care less what people think of me. When I was in school? I’m sure students judged me. But, I could care less. I went to class, I did my work. Most of the time I had student groups for the majority of my classes and the people I associated with genuinely thought I was a nice person or smart and thus spent time with me too via student groups or class partners. Maybe my world view would be different if I didn’t have my hubby? I doubt it. I was always the free spirited hippy chick who was all hearts and bubbles all the time that was kind to a fault. I never judged myself or others by their number. Maybe maturing into a adult alone and without a love would have tainted that. I like to think not. But either way, I matured with a love and with it I brought a confidence. But, that confidence was only empowered because underneath it all, I didn’t define myself by society’s standards.
This my appeal to all you ladies out there. Don’t judge yourself like society judges you. I know it’s not easy. I had an advantage finding a man that loves me for me. But, even without that , it all would mean nothing if I didn’t open my heart to loving myself first. Love yourself in your own skin.
You can change your appearance. You can change your weight. But your insides? They’re with you no matter who comes and who goes in your life.
You need to be happy alone.
Cause we are born alone and we die alone.
But always, always, you have yourself.