War

Week 9 Day 59 Monday September 3rd 2012-  Week 10 Day 72 Sunday September 16th 2012

Welcome to the black hole of my diet days. It’s not that I stopped my diet…it’s just much more relaxed.   I still diet. I eat a bit more liberally, not so restricted.   I’m sort of doing the oatmeal thing for breakfast, salad or healthy sandwich for lunch, and a small portion of regular but healthy food for dinner. Still no junk at this point.
What’s really going on, my head isn’t in the game. I’ve been feeling pretty down lately. I haven’t been working out much, random work out here or there, randomly going to a park a day here or a day there. But, still not consistent like before.

I stopped weighing myself weekly but every so often I get on the scale. I’m maintaining my weight. It hasn’t changed – up or down.

So, not much to report or relay. It’s just my heart and mind is tired.  Not necessarily of the diet just the way things are in my personal life.

All the energy and time I have been putting into myself with this diet and exercise…the food prep, the work out , the planned meal times, the food shopping…. I’m taking that time and investing into job hunting.

I don’t feel guilty about it. I’m trying so very hard to get a job.  I feel guilty if I don’t search and apply for something daily. I just can’t stay home without an income anymore.

For those that know me, know I don’t hold money in high regards. I’m still that free spirited hippy soul. I much rather spend my life volunteering for free in a hospital with sick kids or visit the elderly in nursing homes.  When I day dream about winning the lottery( come on we all had this day dream, I’m not the only one) or something…it’s not so I can stay home and be lazy and live this extreme extravagant lifestyle. It so I can volunteer. I can give to charity. I can spend some days working with animal rescue groups. I can spend other days in the hospitals. I can have the capability to financial assist others that were like me… in my predicament. But, I don’t want to sit at home and write a check to this and that. NO. I want to be out there. Meet people. Hug animals. Get in the grit of things and get my hands dirty. Instead, I have to focus on a 9 to 5 job that pays decent enough I can afford to help my mother pay some bills, pay for commuting /work expenses and save a little bit so I can go back to school.

Reality is depressing.

But, that’s adult hood.

So, I’m trying my best to gracefully transition my heart to cooperate. The only way I know how is by just acting and not feeling. I’m putting the effort, following my brain.  Thus, I’ve been spending my days, a big portion of my days. job hunting.

It’s not a waste.  I don’t consider this a break of my health thing. I’m maintaining and still making better decision about what I stuff in my face. It’s just …reality.

I have to find work. So, just as much effort and energy I put into my health thing, I’m putting into searching. I achieved so much with my health thing… I’m stronger and fitter. I got a lot of jiggle left but my sizzle is starting to come back.  The weight I lost ( 25 pounds) has stayed off. I’m not finished with this journey!

So don’t abandon me, my readers.  I’m going to keep doing my thing.  Like I said before, I’m trying to get healthy. In all aspects…this includes mentally. I need to fix my personal life/financial life. It’s part of the mental battle.

So yes, the health this is still on even if I don’t exercise every day. But, I will work my way back to that routine once I cross over these few land mines.

Food is just a small battle in this war.
And I’m waging a war on all fronts, causing a Riot.
Cause I’m worth it.

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About Corner of Confessions

My writings will tell my tale

2 responses to “War”

  1. tfaswift says :

    Hi there, me again; you know I love your blog. This post really, really struck a chord with me. That paragraph about playing the lottery and planning what you’d do – I do the same thing and plan the same things! I almost feel like copying it and pasting it into my own blog and writing, “You see! I’m not the only one!” Because when I say stuff like that people look at me like, “Yeah right.” They don’t believe I’d give anything to charity let alone get *involved* instead of just writing a cheque. Reality can be very depressing, and sometimes it gets me down too. I was out there in Facebook a few days ago writing miserable posts on my friends’ pages. But these things come and go. A while back I decided that life is like the ocean, it comes in waves. When we’re on an up wave, we tend to forget that sooner or later it will go back down, and vice versa. Things will get better. Congrats on losing 25lb!!! That’s really great! You know, sometimes people can drop some extra lbs by changing what they drink. It’s really easy to drink hundreds of liquid calories every week. Even fruit juice will do it. The only thing that doesn’t have a single calorie is water. Things will be ok. Life gets hectic sometimes, and then after a while, they calm down again. Great good luck with the job hunt.

    • dietriotgirl says :

      Thank you for taking the time in my blog. I’m glad your enjoying it! It motivates me to keep writing. I’m the type of person that can gain weight my looking at a cheeseburger lol! But, my whole point of this blog was to focus on the mental and emotion aspects and physical health thus you dont see numbers of my actual weight or before and after pictures etc. I hate to drop the ” i lost 25 pounds” card cause i still have a long way to go. I can walk more and have more stamina and even jog a little more. But no where near reaching my goal of being able to jog non stop along the beach coast.

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