I’m Terrible and I know it. I’ve been such a bad blogger. I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated and I kept updating with an update. Unfortunately , this is another update post. But keeping with the integrity of my blog, I want to be honest with you all.
I haven’t started phase two of my diet.
While I have not been eating all crazy, I haven’t really been eating much at all. Which is still not healthy. And as i shared with you all in previous posts, this was my number one bad habit and why i struggled so much with weight management… i kill my metabolism by not eating all day long.
I’m not skinny, and I don’t not eat for anorexic reasons. I’m not starving myself on purpose. I just dont feel hungry or feel I have the proper time to make, eat and clean up and digest my food. I lost and maintained the loss of 25 pounds from Phase one of my diet. It’s just i relapsed into these unhealthy habits in living life.
First it was laziness. I’ll own up to that. Then it was doctors and then its was job interviews and job hunting. Then it was the mess of Hurricane Sandy and hosting family.
Now? It’s the mess of working a seasonal retail job. My hours are all over the place. While I am only a part time hire, my schedule has been completely whacked. I worked 8 hours closing the store one night, then i worked 8 hours opening the next day.
I’m brand new with no prior retail experience so I had all that lovely training in HR offices. And then was thrust onto the work floor. It’s a learn as you go type of deal. But, pretty nerve wrecking especially working a register and dealing with money.
If I’m working more than 6 hours that day, I get a lunch break. However, I don’t get that hungry feeling anymore. I eat something small before i leave for work with my coffee. So when it’s meal break weather its lunch or dinner time I don’t feel hungry. Maybe it’s mental cause I’m the type that can’t rush and eat. So what do i do? I don’t eat. As a new hire we don’t have lockers and such yet so I wasn’t bringing much with me to work. Packing lunch may be the only option for me if I wish to maintain a healthy plan. Cause I don’t even eat fast food. Which is all you can find in the food court. But , by time i make it to the HR office to clock out for lunch , rush over to the food court, wait online to order something, get my food it’s almost time for my lunch to be up and have to go back to HR to clock back in. So , i just drink water and step outside for fresh air or a smoke. ( Yeah , I haven’t ditched the habit yet, but that’s in the diet.health plan too).
Today is Thanksgiving. I hardly ate and not for lack of time or food. Having relapsed into eating once a day or something small for breakfast before work and then a small dinner like a sandwich when I come home, my appetite has shrunk. I made this big plate and I ate like a quarter of it and I was full. My mother had an array of pies and cakes and usually I would pick at a piece of each. I barely managed to eat one SMALL slice. I still feel so stuffed.
I killed my metabolism.
I have noticed my clothes are a little roomier and I think that’s from work. Walking the aisle none stop at work, doing returns and standing at the register…always in movement. But, i’m not living healthy.
I’m being honest. Cause I value my blog and I value my readers.
I do promise you this, cause I promised myself this too, I WILL get back on the healthy path. Just because it’s not convenient , my schedule makes things a little hard… doesn’t mean I should just say eff it.
But like i said in other posts, there is also a mental and emotional side of things. It’s very hard for me to go to work and be away from my family. My first day off I cuddled in bed all day with my fiancee and my dog, I missed them so much. I thought about going to the park to walk and work out , but the fiancee being sick and my dog being a little dog and lazy, they can’t work out. So i choose to stay home instead of working out.
I have to find a compromise though. So that’s the next venture! Figuring things out! :Nods:
I can live with that. Acknowledge my mistakes, own up to them and then map out a plan. Cause that’s all we can do with anything in life, live life and figure it out.
But, fair warning, I”m working Black Friday. After this post I’m going to shower and pick out an outfit and do my hair and all that stuff. Then I have to head to bed to be up at 4am to be ready to leave at 5am to be at work by 6am. I work 6am-4pm. I am beyond scared and nervous. I don’t feel ready and trained enough for this type of crowd and swarms of people. But, trying to think positive thoughts.
So, I may be missing from wordpress ( not just updating my blog, but viewing and commenting on yours as well) altogether for the next day or two.
But , I haven’t vanished. I shall always return. I promise.