Archive | February 2013

Hypocrite

I”m a hypocrite. I know i wrote countless times, not to obsess over the scale, the number in which you weigh. The number does not define you. It’s all about being comfortable in your own skin, and in your health both mental and physical. I do believe this and live by this.

But, being off a diet and exercise for several months now, the scale started to taunt me.

I was scared to get on the scale and see numbers. Numbers I didn’t want to see. I was scared to see my hard work erased by each count of the ticker of the scale. Proof. Proof of the lack of effort and progress in my health.

I was scared of the scale.

Of the number. The number I may read.

I’m a hypocrite.

It took me awhile, but finally i grew  a pair and pulled out the scale. I’m ashamed to admit how elated I was when I read  it was only a plus 2 pounds since the last time I weighed myself since my diet a few months ago.

The number on the scale, be it less or more, shouldn’t have that kind of power. I let it have power, control over my mind.

After i got off the scale, i felt smug. I opened my fridge and took out eggs and sausage to cook for breakfast. I made a big breakfast as a reward.

After i stuffed my face, I said to myself what the hell am I rewarding myself for?

I haven’t worked out, a real work out, in months. I haven’t been eating healthy. Though my problem isn’t so much over eating, or eating too much, but back to the old habit of eating little all day and then one big meal , or eating late at night like when i return home from working closing.

I should slap myself.

So, I’m doing that now.

I woke up this morning and made my coffee. I ate a portioned control bowl of cereal , even though I wasn’t hungry. For lunch I had a little cup of mac and cheese. No junk food. I need to get back on track in regulating my metabolism. I need to get back on track on putting good stuff into my body. I need to take back control.

And I’m going to do just that.

I have the power.

I wont be a hypocrite.

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